I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize