True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
