i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
