So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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