need another drink. this is the easiest way
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
