I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize