You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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