Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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