Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
