Moan for me like Helen Keller
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
