I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
