yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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