i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
