I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
