The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
