Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
