I just made out with a guy for $7.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
