lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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