i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
