i jhust puked up my retainher.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
