Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
