hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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