I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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