so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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