so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
