well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
