how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
