I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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