I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
