My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
