I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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