My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
