grandma shit on top of the toilet
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
