k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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