hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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