You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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