I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I would ride that face into the sunset
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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