News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
