I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
