What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
