I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
