Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
the raccoons are back...
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