woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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