i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I don't think brook has ever known best
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
