We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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