If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
