also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
