My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
