I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
