we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize