At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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