Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize