Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
