Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
