Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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