HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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