Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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