You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize