The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
