Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
