They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
