I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
