Swine flu. Run for my life!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
