i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
