I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
