just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
