I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize