He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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