i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Pants are for mortals
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize