anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
