FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
