someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I will be naked everywhere
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
