I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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