Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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