well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
