I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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