So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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