the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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