Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
