I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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