i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
