hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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