as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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