I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
