oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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