I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
