dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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