what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
