My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
