He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
