There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You were trust falling into bushes
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
