no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
