i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
