I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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