who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
