Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
