I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
