i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
