Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
