he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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