I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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