he shaved USA in his pubs
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
