So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
